Pieces of me in letters

Full of surprises… that’s probably the perfect way to describe this weekend.

First… for the first time in a very long time….  my confrontation side came to surface.

Second…. I finally made it. I walked along the Rainbow Bridge crossing Tokyo Bay. The weather was not very nice but it was really fun doing it with my old friends N and M. We talked and laughed alot. After that they accompanied me to go to Akihabara to fix my digital camera. I thought I’d have to pay at least 10,000 yen, but… tadaaaa… it was for free! Ureshiiii~ (^_^)v

Third… J proved me wrong. And I realized how good it was to talk to him. Knowing that I can say anything about how I feel and have his full support.  

Fourth… Bumble Bee proved me right. For awhile it kinda bothered me a little, but then after some thoughts… it’s really only normal. I forgot it was a two-ways street. My silly

Time for bed…. oyasumi

Sometimes I ask myself why I do what I do. Going here and there, want to do this and that, applying for this job here and that job there, and so on. I surprise my friends and families from time to time with my sometimes-shocking decisions that they - even myself, sometimes - can’t easily understand.

When I was on the train and it was crossing Tokyo Bay on Rainbow Bridge, an idea just came up in my head… that I really want to walk along the bridge to cross the bay in the near future. I’ve always wanted to do that ever since I moved to the island 1.5 years ago. I am probably leaving soon and I realized that if I don’t do it one of these days, I will never do it.

And suddenly I understand better why I do what I do. I am opening windows for myself so I can see and experience as much as life in this big world has to offer. I have been lucky to have many chances to not only look out from the open windows but also jump out of it to get first-hand experience. Sometimes I don’t get to jump out, but I am happy enough to know that the windows are open and I can always look outside and jump out if I want to

What do you think about a marriage that expires after 7 years? No, not a divorce. Imagine getting married and get a marriage certificate with a footnote: “Expiration date: 7 years from today”. It means your marriage have to be renewed after 7 years. You have to go tell the government that you still want to stay married to your significant other, and therefore you want to renew your marriage. Otherwise, consider yourself no longer married but without a divorce.

That is one of the craziest ideas I’ve heard in my entire life! But believe it or not, they are going to propose the idea to become a law in Germany.

I remember an article I read online few days ago, about “Trial marriage” or something like that. It’s about people who get married as a trial-and-error thing. Do it, see what happens, if it doesn’t work you can always get a divorce and try again with another person. “I decided to get married because I knew I could always escape from it by getting a divorce if I want to”. That kind of concept. It occured to me that the marriage-expiration-day thing may just be perfect for people who live that concept. They should get married in Germany!

Ok… put the joke aside….

It is sad that more people don’t see marriage as something sacred anymore. Call me old-fashioned, I don’t mind. But I really do think that marriage is a sacred thing that one should do with a serious intention: to keep it forever.  When I am married, I want it to be my first and my last. When there is problem, both should try to solve it. Like many other things in this life, a marriage needs efforts to make it work. I may not know when I am going to get married, to whom, or how my marriage will go. But I do know that I don’t want a marriage certificate with an expiration date on it and I surely don’t want a trial marriage.

My friend JM and I were exploring Aquacity to find place to eat, and we found this amazing place that serves very good fusion Japanese food. We chose the place because they have a Japanese dish that I really really like, and we didn’t really pay attention to the place itself. But it turned out to be a really really great place! They have outdoor seats at the balcony that faces Tokyo Bay. And yes… you can see Rainbow Bridge and Tokyo Tower! Isn’t that so cool?? In such a nice evening with cool breeze, it would be such a waste to sit indoor. When the waiter askes us where we would like to sit, indeed we chose to sit outside!

We ordered keihan (the food I like :P) and a salad. Keihan is rice with various toppings (shredded chicken, sliced omelette, chopped Japanese radish pickle, mushroom, green onion, sesame seed, and thin slices of yuzu lemon peel) served with chicken broth. Sooooo gooodd!!! The salad we ordered was very good too. It was a mix of fresh mizuna (no idea what’s the name in English :P), crunchy papaya, and red sea weed in yuzu lemon dressing. So yes… we had good food AND good view of Tokyo Bay. My friend JM and I agree that we will definetely recommend this place to our friends. Let me know if any of you is interested in going too. I’d be more than happy to share the information

Gochisou sama deshita~

My dad had stroke last week, was in hospital, and I didn’t even know about it until yesterday. My mom sounded surprisingly so calm when I called her yesterday, until I asked her how everything was back home. I was a bit upset because nobody told me what happened. My mom told me that my dad didn’t want anybody to tell me. For once in a very long time I realized how significant the distance between me and my family.

It was late, and I was very tired after a long day at school when I talked to my mom. I knew I had to be strong… or at least sound like it… for her. That is the only thing I can do now. If only I didn’t have so much going on here now… I would fly back home immediately.

I woke up in this morning feeling awful and alone. I surprised J with a phone call and just poured out everything I felt that very moment. I did whatever I had to do today feeling exhausted. Just so exhausted….

For J, JM, and Bumble Bee… thank you for listening my feelings and thoughts today.

I think it’s pretty common that somebody is identified by what he/she does, or by physical appearance, or by origin (this city, that country, etc). It would be normal for me to be identified as “That small girl who is a tree hugger” But yesterday I found out that somebody identified me as “That girl who wears *name of perfume here*”. And nope… that person is not somebody I really know nor somebody whom I talked to about what perfume I wear. Shocking! (^_^;)

So ok… that strange identification can have at least 2 meanings. First… I smell good - which is good because I wouldn’t wanna be identified as “That girl who has body odor problem”, hehehe….  The second meaning is kinda the creepy one. As far as I know, a perfume smells differently on different persons who wear it because of natural body odor, hormone, etc (I read this somewhere… I forgot). Plus… one should wear ALOT for other people to tell which perfume he/she wears without sniffing all over that person. I don’t wear perfume THAT much. So how did that person know I wear that particular perfume??? Did that person sniff all over me and I didn’t even notice??? Yadaaaaaaa…..

Identify me as “That girl who is a tree hugger”, please

Temperature is going down for the past couple of days. Summer is leaving, and autumn is coming. Semi don’t sound as loud as they did 2-3 weeks ago.

Summer has been fun, although I had a few stressful weeks. Barbecue, fireworks, picnic, nomikai, karaoke, get to know new people… all good

I have deadline coming for the first draft of my dissertation, and my first defense presentation will be on October 11. Very nervous about it but there is nothing much I can do but trying my best. I still hold the idea to go on a short trip in November before my visa expires in January. But I should wait until I am done with the first defense presentation before finalize any decision about the trip.

I am about to begin a new chapter in my life. It is exciting and scary at the same time. Always wonder if I will do fine. It seems to me that everybody thinks I will do great, except myself. I need to be more confident, more optimistic… and surely can use alot of moral support. I am grateful that I have family and friends who provide me the support I need. I can not possibly thank them enough for that. I love you all

Cultural differences are always interesting to discuss because of its sensitivity and complexity.

Living in a foreign country, I get to know and be friends with people from many different backgrounds and cultures. I found that cultural differences can be interesting but also challenging (at a few certain times, it can be even frustrating… hehehe). I also found that it takes time to realize that what is acceptable or common in a culture may not be acceptable or common in other culture and vice versa.

I don’t think I can blame someone to have a certain expectation in how people should express their appreciation based on what she/he was taught/learned for years: Common Courtesy 101, if I could just borrow Chuck’s terminology :P However I must say that “expectation” can be dangerous. My friend M and I actually talked about this “expectation” issue a few times. He said that expectation causes frustrations and thus problems among people. I was shocked to be considered unappreciative and even more shocked by the “mean things” I heard along the way. Mean because I did not expect to hear those things from somebody who barely knows me, and because in the culture which I grew up in people are expected to not say such things. Anybody sees the problem now?

I grew up (and currently living) in a culture where subtle ways to express feelings/emotions is considered wiser than open confrontation.  I personally think that open confrontation rarely leads to solution and more likely leads to empty argument. The worst thing is when it makes one feels very intensely emotional and then say something that he/she will regret later on. I was asked: “Do you not get use to people confronting you? Do you always get what you want?”. The first time I was asked such questions in my entire life and I didn’t really have reason to answer.　Because I know myself too well that answering them very likely would just make me end up saying things that I didn’t mean.

To put an end to this topic…

Expectation is shaped by culture, which implies that what is acceptable or not acceptable is relative. I think the first step toward mutual understanding is how to communicate the difference without judgement. My thanks to Chuck for his comment. It spices up my blog Ijou desu.

Is there “the best” way to appreciate nice things that people have done for you? How, how many times, and when?

I appreciate every single nice thing that people have done for me and I try my best not to forget to express my appreciation. From small things like when my friend saved a few pages of seminar material for me, to significant things like when I was very well taken care of for days during my trips abroad or when I was sick. There are times when I express my appreciation promptly and there are other times when I express it at the end of an event or a day. It depends on many things that might be a little too long (and boring) to be mentioned here (and it is not really the main point of this post :p). Anyways… I think being appreciative and to express it are very important. However, the way to appreciate - how, how many times, when - is less important than the appreciation per se. That is why it doesn’t bother me that sometimes some people choose to express their appreciation for me one way and other times they express it another way.  I personally choose quality over quantity to express my own appreciation… one sincere and thoughtful appreciation than many casual thank you’s. 

I learned - the hard way, by the way - that some people have a certain way to express their appreciation and expect others to do the same. I was expected to express my appreciation a certain way but I didn’t… and so I was considered as unappreciative. My reaction was… quiet (some people probably know very well this particular reaction of mine). The ideas that had been rolling in my head to express my appreciation the best way possible at the end of the day, evaporated within seconds because of the shock *sigh*.  And thanks to the shock, I started looking back, asking questions and ended up being overly critical to myself (so there goes another flaw of mine identified… ugh). Not until few hours later I fully realized that it was somebody who doesn’t know me well who considered me as unappreciative, but I took it as if it came from somebody who has known me for years. So I guess in my case, the final result of the expectation on how people should express their appreciation is… nobody feels good. But I wonder if the expectation was communicated in a different way the result would be different. Hmm… this actually inspires me to write another post with a related topic

Do you believe in signs that whisper inside your mind ’till you have to follow through,
leading you home again to someplace you’ve never been? Well I feel that way for you.
For how can it be true, the first time I see you,
I look into your eyes,
and suddenly I knew you all my life.

Don’t we have all that time: treasure that’s yours and mine, and a place that we call home
Don’t we have photographs taken a long time back
of the seasons we have known?

I know it’s strange to say, when we just met this way, but I look into your eyes,
and suddenly I knew you all my life.
So I’ll take the chance and tell you,
before the chance is gone,
so at least I won’t be wondering
the rest of my life long.

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My thanks to Bumble Bee for sharing this beautiful song