Pieces of me in letters

Americans will vote for their next president in about 5 weeks. So far there have been one presidential debate and one vice presidential debate. I watched both. I am not going into who-won-the-debates topic, but I do want to say I had so much fun watching both debates. I think mostly because it was more like a brain storming process for me, and a chance for me to think about issues they brought up during the debates.

But speaking of fun… I have to admit that I had more fun watching Sarah Palin’s interviews with Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric. I guess because I think I could see the real Sarah Palin better in such informal sets. For that, I must say Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric did a very good job. I wish such critical and honest interviews were done here in my home country too. Then we could all see the real politicians of this country. Are they really qualified? How are they going to solve important issues this country is now facing? Perhaps that way more people like me — the politic-skepticals — would be convinced to vote.

After four months in the dark, I finally can see some light… a sign that the first half of the journey has passed. The second half of the journey hopefully will be a smooth one. I can not wait for it to end. I know another long journey is waiting ahead, but at least I will not be alone because my partner will be with me to hold my hand the entire journey.

For the past two weeks I have been dealing with government bureaucracy pretty often. Something I honestly don’t like doing but in my current circumstances I really don’t have much choice.

Yesterday after I picked up my new passport at immigration office, I went to district level police department office to apply for police certificate. After completing a form, I went to a small room where they took finger prints. Not very long after I entered the room to wait for my turn, a man came in. He smiled and asked if I was going to have my finger prints taken for police certificate. I said yes. And then we started chatting, and I found out that he was a candidate for district level house of representative member from political party X.

While waiting for our certificates to be done, we continued chatting. I jokingly told him that should he won the nomination, he should check out local immigration office. I told him my experience when getting my new passport. How I saw the immigration officers openly received bribery from people so they could cut lines. How I wished bribery and corruption would disappear from this country. How I felt that in this country, being honest was almost like making fool of oneself because in an environment where bribery and corruption were so common, one would get so much trouble just for doing the right thing. Just like when I chose to do the right thing when getting my new passport done, what I got was interview day delay and hours of waiting for interview while watching people bribe the officers to cut line. He said it would take a change of generation in politics and bureaucracy to make a significant change. I told him I knew that. But a change must be started anyway, no matter how small and insignificant it might seem. I told him I knew very little about politics but I knew that if one was willing to make a change starting from him/herself and inspire other people to do the same, in the long run it would make much bigger effect. And that he, should he won the nomination, would be more able to inspire many people to do the right thing than say… somebody like me.

While chatting with him, I didn’t realize that another man was standing behind me and had been listening to our conversation, until he suddenly said he understood what I was talking about. He then asked me which political party I was from. He then introduced himself as also a candidate for district level house of representative from political party Y. I told him I belonged to no party. I am just a common citizen, a nobody. He said I was being too modest. I said I wasn’t being too modest. Like millions of people in this country, I am nobody compared to those politicians sitting or will-be sitting in the house of representatives. And I felt somewhat lucky that for once, I could talk to one of them to tell them my honest opinion as a nobody.

I now drive better, I think At least for two reasons:

Successfully drove from my sister’s place to home at night. Yes… my first time to drive at night, ever! And I didn’t hit anybody or anything

For the first time ever, I used 4th gear when I was driving from the market to home today. I know, I know…. it may not be a big deal to most people, but it is to me! I felt like I was driving really fast and all was good! Yaaayy~~ (^_^)v

Next challenge would be… driving to downtown. Good luck to me!

“To be spiritual is to live in humility. Arrogance and spirituality are mutually exclusive or inversely proportional to each other; the greater the arrogance, the lower spirituality and vice versa. Claiming a faith to be superior is sheer arrogance as it knocks the humility and spirituality out, indeed, it is the source of conflict and puts one on missionizing exercises.” 

[Mike Ghouse]

Family and friends are sources of support. They are the first people to go to when you need support, of any kind. I can’t agree more with that. But recently I found out that… sometimes… you can get the support you need from strangers, simply because they understand better what you are going through. Because they are going through the same thing you are.

I would like to thank two strangers… two very brave women out there… who have given me the support and consolation I need. I hope someday I can be of your support and consolation too.

Nice work by www.fish-photo.net

How many of us who are fortunate to have a friend (or friends) who can (and willing to) help us exploring our spirituality? I feel particularly fortunate because God has sent me such a friend into my life. And today I feel spiritually recharged, thanks to that friend.

I have been having some difficult times and struggling to find a way out. I wished some people would change so that I could stop feeling hurt and stop running away from them. However, I know them too well that I know change is not an option for them. It’s their way or no way.

I have always known that the only human being one can really control is oneself. I can only control myself. I can not control how people treat me or how they judge me. I can, however, control how I see things and how I react to people’s behavior towards me and how I feel about things. Today, my friend reminded me about that again. It is normal that I feel hurt and even feel abused because of sharp words and curses that I don’t feel I deserve any of them. It is easy to be drawn into hatred and desire to take revenge. But is it the best way to live life? Do I want to live my life feeling angry, resentful and in pain? No… I don’t want that. Life is too short.

Going beyond logical thinking and focusing more on spirituality would help me to react differently toward pain and abuse. Compassion, forgiveness, and letting go would bring me to peace. I found this true in just a couple hours after my friend’s reminder. Negative comments came in… and the rest of the day didn’t seem so bad afterall because I didn’t let those negative comments stay long enough in my mind. I let them go… and I feel so much better.

My dear friend AI… thank you, for everything.

I spent the night at my sister’s place yesterday, because she wanted to take me to “Modern Market” nearby. I heard so much positive stories about this particular market from other people, so very much interested in going. And also because basically I like going to markets (as in markets in traditional sense… where you can buy fresh produce from local vendors).

Woke up around 6:30 AM because my 3 year old niece came into my room (well… actually *her* room, because I slept in her bed while she slept with her parents next door). Off to “Modern Market” around 7:30 AM. It was pretty close from my sister’s place, only 5 minute drive. It took us awhile to find parking spot because the parking lot was full with (I just gotta say… *nice*) cars.

The market was a big, square, and colorful building. The sides of the building contained two-story little stores. Most of these little stores were small restaurants and bakeries (yum!). Going inside the one-story main building, there were more small stores selling traditional snacks (my favourite!) for take out, and small restaurants serving traditional breakfast-type meals. At the center of the main building, there were open aisles where vendors sell various fresh produce from fresh vegetables and fruits to tofu, fish, chicken, and beef. So many vendors but so many more buyers! Walking from aisle to aisle, I was so excited looking at those very fresh vegetables, felt like I wanted to buy so many of them!

What I like about “Modern Market”… (in no particular order :P)
First… although it is desinged very similar to a typical traditional market, “Modern Market” is far from the negative strereotype that traditional markets have: dirty and smells bad from the garbage and sewage, and disorganized. The word modern in “Modern Market” comes with an apparent reason. It is very clean, no bad smell, and very well organized.
Second… unlike typical traditional markets that cater typical local preference for food, “Modern Market” caters much wider preferences. Various frozen and other processed Asian foods (I saw both Japanese and Korean seaweed, and various frozen Chinese foods like steamed bun and dumplings) and western foods (I saw chicken and beef franks, and hamburger patties) and vegetables typically used in western dish (I almost couldn’t believe I found vendors that sell fresh beet roots, while I could never find those in Tokyo in more than six years I lived there!).
Third…  With the wide variety of produce and good environment, shopping at “Modern Market” is nearly the same as shopping at a supermarket. The main difference is… purchasing from vendors in “Modern Market” directly supports the growth of local economy at the grassroot level. Why? Because the vendors there are individual local vendors just like vendors at typical traditional markets. Alot of supermarket chains in this country are owned by foreign companies. The profit these supermarkets generated are largely sent abroad for the shareholders. But the profit generated by individual local vendors, like the ones in “Modern Market”, will go to their families here to increase their welfare. Also, these vendors support domestic agriculture and farmers, because they sell mostly domestically-grown produces.

I suspect that better shopping environment at “Modern Market” is a result of very good market management and strict enforcement of rules to vendors. This surely comes with a cost, and the cost is transmitted to end customers. Prices at “Modern Market” are indeed slightly more expensive than prices in typical traditional markets (but alot cheaper than supermarkets). I believe that customers see the price difference reasonable (at least I do). Otherwise, it wouldn’t be a fact that “Modern Markets” is always full of customers!

I am a market-lover, and that includes typical traditional markets. I have always liked going to these markets despite its not-so-comfortable environment. But I also wished that the negative stereotypes of markets can be overcome. “Modern Market” is a solid prove that it is very much possible to do so. Let’s just hope that the local governments have the same opinion as I do and start working on more “Modern Market” establishments!

For the first time in my life, I feel that life has created a conspiracy to get me to my happiness. And I can’t thank God enough for this conspiracy.

Never thought I would finish climbing up a huge mountain, just when I had to start climbing another mountain.
Never thought that a blog I found through Google would bring me to a new friend who can help me getting answers to questions that had been bothered me in most of my adult life.
And never thought that getting those questions answered would be the key that opens up the door for two different people who love each other to be together forever.

I have never been happier. Thank you God.